How to cope with being cheated on?


In psychological terms, cheating means deliberate and intentional violation of trust given by the partner. We need to remember, though, that cheating doesn’t mean the end of the world. It might turn out to be a building crisis. The only condition for repairing such relationship is mutual willingness to return to normal life together.

Why do we cheat?

When someone gets cheated on, “why?” is the question that most often and most persistently echoes around the head. There might be many reasons. The most common one is lack of sexual satisfaction in the relationship, or lack of any sex. The longing for new experiences, for spicing up the sex life. In many cases, purely physical aspects have many underlying emotional causes, it might be a need for affection, or acceptance, it might be longing for Warmth and understanding, which the partner isn’t getting in the relationship.

Sometimes infidelity might be a revenge against the partner for causing suffering or humiliation. In some cases it is being disappointed with the relationship. Sometimes the cheater jumps on opportunity, loses control, like when under influence of alcohol.

There is also an increased risk of infidelity when going through a crisis in life. A common reason is desire to validate own value and attractiveness. There might also be a fear of intimacy. There are plenty of motives for cheating and it often seems to us that we should find one specific cause, but the reality is that the basis for cheating is a configuration of many different factors.


How to handle the pain?

Every relationship means risk. No one can Guarantee us an eternal, unfading love and life without obstacles. When saying “I do”, none of us certainly ever thought that you might one day have to solve the issue of cheating. And yet it happened. All that is left is emptiness, pain, feeling hurt, shame, bitterness, sadness and tears.

What to do in such situation? There are two options: either leave with pride and hope for a better relationship with someone else in the future, or forgive cheating. The latter is more difficult and is all about not forgetting what happened yet being able to learn from mistakes and never repeat them again.

They say that damaged things are to be repaired and not thrown away. It is convenient to abandon all hope and start a new life, but it’s a good idea to ask yourself if it wouldn’t be nice to try to Fix this relationship between two people, which often lasted for many years.

If we feel such need, we can turn to our family for advice, although the best solution is visiting a psychologist. Another good idea is couples counseling, the purpose of which is to understand both parties and find a way to Fix the relationship. It has helped plenty of couples get their old life back and get over cheating.